"A City Called Northridge" Chapter 1

*Gunshots*

It's the same thing everyday i wake, waking up to the gunshots of my neighbors scrounging for the last of the ammo laying around. It's a long story..you see, those "People" out there are not real. It all started at my job a few months ago i-- i was doing my routinely shift of cleaning the city's sewers. But then i found him, behind a pile of rubble inside of a oddly shaped room. This was new to me. There arent any rooms down in the sewers. When i asked the man who he was all he ever said was "Rocket Man", "Not Man".
I didnt take it to heart however, i was probably too excited to get off my shift as it was the end of the day.

I couldn't have been anymore wrong.
Leaving the sewer felt different, the people around me never blinked. The ones who did were stuck with gazing eyes like a statue. At nothing?

But then i saw it. I remembered rocket man saying "Not Man" as if he was from somewhere else... all i know is. Its fairly dark, and quiet. Nobody is talking.

*BANG* *THRRWTING* *PEW**

%&$*!!! "SOMEBODY IS SHOOTING AT ME!!!",
"CAN ANYONE HEA-" *KBOAAWF*

...........

(13 Hours Pass)

Officer: "Captain, yesterday we intercepted a phone call from a Froz. No given last name. Further investigation has shown us he was the city's average crazy old coot. Uh he worked for Northridge Septic and in his spare time was a pastor for the church. Always rambling about his conspiracies and Theories we didnt think this was very serious but you should have a listen. It might actually be a plausible reason of whats happening to our city."

Captain: "Thanks Terry, by the way-"
Officer: "Yes a double mocha latte i got it", "I'll be back in 40"


To Be Continued...?

clap. good start :).

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Coster

clap. good start :).

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Names on forums and active PR's will be in the "book" if i keep going. Sorry froz. You already died. Or did you? 0-0

*Cues the xfiles theme song*

Next time on Northridge! Yoshimitsu jumps in the scene and kills everyone!
lmao

next time get forum users envolved like yoshimitsu kendrick josh me coster saint etc..

would be best story of all time

Quote:

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Originally Posted by abdelrahmanhassan02

next time get forum users envolved like yoshimitsu kendrick josh me coster saint etc..

would be best story of all time

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So far froz and itzterry are in there. We havent even learned the captains name yet ;)

There was no background information. =[ How about the description of the sewer?
"Walking on top of human waste gave me the urge to puke and worsen the water that iEra has down of its city. If only they really knew what was down here. A criminal on the loose, just walking beneath them.
-creeaaak-
Can it be him? If this criminal is close to me, I can finally shoot him and reward the cap. All I want is to get a promotion."

You dig? Story needs more information and details. Overall, it's a good, but very confusing story.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kendrick

There was no background information. =[ How about the description of the sewer?
"Walking on top of human waste gave me the urge to puke and worsen the water that iEra has down of its city. If only they really knew what was down here. A criminal on the loose, just walking beneath them.
-creeaaak-
Can it be him? If this criminal is close to me, I can finally shoot him and reward the cap. All I want is to get a promotion."

You dig? Story needs more information and details. Overall, it's a good, but very confusing story.

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That was the point to want to know whats next cause it starts to explain the story at a police station but yeah. I was just keeping in mind the 11,000 word cap

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Grandpa

That was the point to want to know whats next cause it starts to explain the story at a police station but yeah. I was just keeping in mind the 11,000 word cap

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Making a story confusing and hard to understand doesn't quite catch a reader's attention.
Sure, I want to know who this rocket man is, but the part where everyone was shouting was just very perplexed.