@FutureAndCurrentParents

This thread isn't exactly a happy thread, but I wish that you'd read it all and learn something.

 Spoiler

So, we all know those parents, right?
They come to America from the Middle East or Asia and say that America is the land of opportunity, and chances, and more crap that some random dude on the Internet told them. And, that may not be a lie, that isn't exactly the truth.

But that's not what I want to talk about. No, it's about parents. The type that I have and the type that said to me, "Become a doctor or else I'll disown you!" so loud that people in other cars started to look directly us to see what the bloody hell was going on.
I'll provide some back story:

Both of my parents were born in Jordan, a country that isn't economically healthy and has its fair share of problems, so, my dad immigrated from the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan to the United States of America around the early 1990s, and he's been living in the good ol' empire ever since, met my mom, and wa-la! Kiddies!

Which is pretty nice, isn't it? But that's where the problem begins. For some reason, my parents decided that every single last one of us would be a doctor. Period. No matter if we were good at something else or if we found something better to do, they wanted us to be doctors so they could gloat. Literally, they indirectly and directly said it to me. Which us messed up, considering that you want your child to work hard, have sleeplessness nights, and loose a social life, just so you could sit around, sleep, and show off.

Here's an example that has been engraved into my mind that happened last year to show their mindset:

It was the end of the first semester and grades had come in. Every mark on the report card was an A, which is pretty good in my opinion, but Spanish was an EXACT 89.2%. Now, me, not speaking Spanish and my teacher being horrible, it's good that I got a percentage that was almost an A, right? Not with my mom. She got angry that I got a B instead of an A and said how I was supposed to get a degree if I got a B, ignoring that everything else was an A and that you need a C of at least 70% to pass a class here, in America. I didn't say anything, but I'd to point out that she's in been in America for a while now and her English sucks to the point where I don't understand her and ask her to repeat what she said in Arabic. Language isn't easy.

Now since that's out of the way, I'd like to share a story that I don't want anyone to repeat with their kids. It's simple BTW:

We were at the story and saw an ad for an optometrist. I honestly don't want to be one as becoming one is tiresome and the staying one is very competitive. So, I just said "nah".

That was, apparently, the wrong answer.

As soon as I stepped in car, my mom started to scream at me how her sister got FOUR of her sons to be doctor, but she couldn't handle one. She said it as if I was an annoying bug that wouldn't go away. My dad supported her in this. I said that different people are good at different things, and that my cousins would only be competition. She didn't like that and whirled around, in her chair, to look at me and yelled at the top of her lungs...

"IF YOU DON'T BECOME A DOCTOR, I WON'T LOOK AT YOU, I WON'T SPEAK TO YOU, AND I WON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE YOU!"

That's disownment.

My parents should have sat down with me and figured out what I'm good and what I'm not. Find out my strengths and weaknesses. I've tried to talk to them to do just that, but every conversation ends with, "Just be a doctor." I can't even talk to them about it without them going crazy.

This isn't a petty thread. I'm not asking for your support or comfort.

All I'm asking is that you never do this with your child. Help him, not stand against him, to find a job that he'll be good at and be happy with.

I know that this isn't my usual thread, as I'm usually the dumb, fun, joking one, but I wanted to write this. :)

The American Memes thread will resume shortly, BTW #Murica

TLDR: Don't threaten disown your child because he said that the job you want him to be may not be right for him.

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(Ik its kinda weird that I'm posting this on era go, but I can't make a reddit acc without alerting 15 phones so I placed it here)

Wholeheartedly agree with you. It is not a parent's place to force their kid into something just so that they can have bragging rights later on in life. As a parent, you should nurture and raise your kid, not force them along whatever path YOU want. You can give them suggestions, sure, but you do not get to rule their lives for them, that's for them to do by themselves.

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Originally Posted by failure

Wholeheartedly agree with you. It is not a parent's place to force their kid into something just so that they can have bragging rights later on in life. As a parent, you should nurture and raise your kid, not force them along whatever path YOU want. You can give them suggestions, sure, but you do not get to rule their lives for them, that's for them to do by themselves.

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^^^

Nothing wrong with suggesting, but forcing a decision upon him that'll impact the rest of his life is kinda messed up.

Usually these kind of parents are really stubborn, because after deciding what you want to become, your parents have already decided it for you and it’s already set in stone, and there’s no way of changing their mind. Even now I think why parents want their children to become a doctor. Is it for money? To brag about? To make people think you’ve raised your children well? It’s just for selfish reasons. It ruins your relationship with your children. Its not worth living if someone is doing it for you.

This has happened to a few people I know. Makes me very sad tbh.

that actually hurt ngl personally i chose to pursue becoming a doctor myself cause of passion and love for helping people and saving lives and if it was an idea that was forced upon myself i wouldnt have as much passion. i do hope you find passion and love for something thats for you and i hope no matter what happens your parents do not limit you from it once it does appear, i wish you luck ali i hope we can still have subtle connections decades from now

I can relate to you except I never got to the dynamic that you have experienced. I was told myself that the only way to succeed in life is to go to school, get a successful -well paying- job, get materialistic things such as a house, a car, anemeties and have a family. Then leave the world. Now, I must ask if that is attractive to anyone. No where was it mentioned to have a social life, mistakes, or anything less than perfection. This is an American culture, having the lifestyle of wealth based success over happiness. For my life story, I’ll post a separate thread if anyone were to to request it but the main thing I want to exclaim is that I couldn’t live life where I’m always stressed and bored out of my mind. I’ve made several attempts on my life but each one failed because either I didn’t take enough of a medication or the wound wasn’t fatal to which they could revive me from. This lead to my parents to change their perspective on how they should approach parenting. It took them years before they could come to understand that I am different. Through it, there were many arguments, loneliness from the restrictions of how I can interact with people. I believe if one is truly passionate about change, they can achieve it. Parents can change. It’s not impossible, but it’s really difficult to convince them without realizing the effects of what they have done. Because again in parental guidance (and in many aspects of life) if something worked before, it should work again.

To keep this from turning into a narrative to which regular readers of the forums do not necessarily like reading, I’d like to say that the result of what I have become is messy. But I am alive and striving to become who I want to be. Although I have developed a couple of mental disorders, I believe I still have room to be who I want to be rather than what the past is trying to define me as.

If you made it this far, I appreciate taking the time to read this.

I love deeper level conversations.

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Originally Posted by Jayden-Jair

I can relate to you except I never got to the dynamic that you have experienced. I was told myself that the only way to succeed in life is to go to school, get a successful -well paying- job, get materialistic things such as a house, a car, anemeties and have a family. Then leave the world. Now, I must ask if that is attractive to anyone. No where was it mentioned to have a social life, mistakes, or anything less than perfection. This is an American culture, having the lifestyle of wealth based success over happiness. For my life story, I’ll post a separate thread if anyone were to to request it but the main thing I want to exclaim is that I couldn’t live life where I’m always stressed and bored out of my mind. I’ve made several attempts on my life but each one failed because either I didn’t take enough of a medication or the wound wasn’t fatal to which they could revive me from. This lead to my parents to change their perspective on how they should approach parenting. It took them years before they could come to understand that I am different. Through it, there were many arguments, loneliness from the restrictions of how I can interact with people. I believe if one is truly passionate about change, they can achieve it. Parents can change. It’s not impossible, but it’s really difficult to convince them without realizing the effects of what they have done. Because again in parental guidance (and in many aspects of life) if something worked before, it should work again.

To keep this from turning into a narrative to which regular readers of the forums do not necessarily like reading, I’d like to say that the result of what I have become is messy. But I am alive and striving to become who I want to be. Although I have developed a couple of mental disorders, I believe I still have room to be who I want to be rather than what the past is trying to define me as.

If you made it this far, I appreciate taking the time to read this.

I love deeper level conversations.

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Since your offered say your story, I think that it'll help the the thread out very well as the whole propose of the thread -or at least what I'm trying to do- is to shine a light on how messed up this is.

My parents want me to become a doctor because they want status. It would be nice to hear the money-side of forcy parents.

Have you never tried going against their will and doing the things you want? Normally their decisions would often soften up to yours as time goes.

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Originally Posted by XSTARX

Have you never tried going against their will and doing the things you want? Normally their decisions would often soften up to yours as time goes.

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That’s what happened with me. It’s just a really hard moral to break having to go against a parents wish in many cultures throughout the world.

Nothing is really “normal” in parenting. Especially when it comes to independent thought they do not agree with. Well, not in the idea of subjectivity anyways.

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Originally Posted by XSTARX

Have you never tried going against their will and doing the things you want? Normally their decisions would often soften up to yours as time goes.

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Trying to- just don't know when or how to make a stance.


And bloody hell! No one should be forced to make a stance because of his parents! What's this? A civil war? There's no talking, just a straight "F U!"? Why does pride need to cause issues when there doesn't have to be?

I agree with you, but I don't really blame your parents, nor you.

But culture.

I come from a place on earth where people have the same mentality that being a doctor or being an engineer is the best thing you can do; it is something your parents can "proudly" show off to other people as if it was something they earned. It is just the way people grow up, my mother grew up in a town where people are still very old school, so when I mentioned I wanted my major to be in the art field she had a really hard time understanding me and supporting me. Even till this day she still has a hard time.

But I don't blame her for it, she grew up with different ideals and morals, she will think her way is the right way.

I had a really hard time too, but I understand my happiness comes first and that sometimes relationships have to be sacrificed.

If you don't want to be a doctor, you don't have to, only you know what makes you happy. I know it is hard to disobey your mom and dad, and it hurts when they say that you have disappointed them.

But like I said, you want to make yourself happy first, and if you succeed with what you wanna do I am sure your parents will be just as proud. You don't have to do it all at once, and helping them understand that there are other opportunities out there is one of the first steps.

This comes from someone who is still struggling with this, someone who also comes from a beat up country and came to the states, and someone who wants to be happy but understands that sometimes you have to go against what your parents tell you.

So when will the trend end? Have you all ever met parents you wish you had? If not, then does that mean we will end up making the same conceptual mistakes as our parents have made?
I haven’t met a dream family in my life. Maybe we could be the change for that. Or maybe we all stay hypocrites and live the vicious cycle once again. I believe that we can have a culture where we don’t have to have discrimination to those outside of it. Our issue is acceptance of difference but that’s pretty tough when power and greed come into play on a global scale. We as people really need to continue to remember. Not “kick the fan down the road” as previous generations have done. But for all I know, this is just a dream until we as the collectively knowledged people can bring awareness of humanities preventable faults.

Okay, damn, I didn't realize that this is an issue with so many people. I originally considered myself to be a lost cause, so I took it here to show how messed up it is to help stop people from walking down this hideous road. Didn't realize I'd get tons of motivational posts and understanding, but a sold "thank you" to everyone <3

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Originally Posted by NaniRima

I come from a place on earth where people have the same mentality that being a doctor or being an engineer is the best thing you can do; it is something your parents can "proudly" show off to other people as if it was something they earned. It is just the way people grow up, my mother grew up in a town where people are still very old school, so when I mentioned I wanted my major to be in the art field she had a really hard time understanding me and supporting me. Even till this day she still has a hard time.

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What did you say to convince her, Rima?

I think it’s because having a medical degree could easily get you a well paid job.
What are you good at? What do you wanna be when you’re older

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Btw I don’t agree w them. Speak to them rather than only obeying

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Originally Posted by imaginary

I think it’s because having a medical degree could easily get you a well paid job.
What are you good at? What do you wanna be when you’re older

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Btw I don’t agree w them. Speak to them rather than only obeying

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I'm not aiming an eye at anything specific, but I don't want to become a doctor, as becoming one is very demanding, and being one is also very demanding, it's basically a job where you must be always on your toes, something I'd rather avoid. Currently searching BLS.gov (random American website with info on tons of jobs) for some leads.

I’m sorry to hear that. It’s quite similar for me. Pretty much my whole family is in the medical department and I’m the only one that chose not to. I want to be an actor not a nurse or doctor and they completely disagree because they say it’s too hard of a job. And I’m willing to do it because that’s what I want to do. Eventually they started supporting me though. Just follow your passion. I wouldn’t let anyone force me to do what they want. Good luck!

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Originally Posted by AliGamer911

Okay, damn, I didn't realize that this is an issue with so many people. I originally considered myself to be a lost cause, so I took it here to show how messed up it is to help stop people from walking down this hideous road. Didn't realize I'd get tons of motivational posts and understanding, but a sold "thank you" to everyone <3


What did you say to convince her, Rima?

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Oh I didn't convince her haha, I think that I have disobeyed so much that she now would rather try and understand what I am doing. Even though once in a while she will call and say how disappointed she is at me. But I am somewhat happy at where I am right now, yes I am still stressed but trying to do what I can on my own to show my mom that she can be proud of me without me having a super ridiculously hard career.

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Originally Posted by AliGamer911

I'm not aiming an eye at anything specific, but I don't want to become a doctor, as becoming one is very demanding, and being one is also very demanding, it's basically a job where you must be always on your toes, something I'd rather avoid. Currently searching BLS.gov (random American website with info on tons of jobs) for some leads.

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You might like Computer engineering or computer science

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Originally Posted by imaginary

You might like Computer engineering or computer science

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Is that what you're doing? Lol

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Originally Posted by NaniRima

Oh I didn't convince her haha, I think that I have disobeyed so much that she now would rather try and understand what I am doing. Even though once in a while she will call and say how disappointed she is at me. But I am somewhat happy at where I am right now, yes I am still stressed but trying to do what I can on my own to show my mom that she can be proud of me without me having a super ridiculously hard career.

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Might try this ty m8