Originally Posted by
Kendrick
I used to be bullied by every girl in school, back in middle school years. They used to call me ugly, g**, dumb, stupid, etc. Till today, those words roam around my mind, reason why I feel so lonely.
Freshman year, I used to be physically bullied by two kids in p.e. first they used to make fun how I ran, then they started to call me names, until it got to the point where they beat me up inside the locker room. I laughed, but inside, I cried.
Last year, some big kid used to make fun of me and how I looked, but I saw him as a friend, because I don't have many friends. I pinched his boob, then he threw to the floor, having everyone laugh at me. Teacher didn't do anything, but I could of avoid that.
Also, last year, some smart kids used to say rude things to me, because my English is bad. He called me a dumba**, and a Mexican who will go nowhere in life but lawning his front yard.
This year? Nobody bullied me, but I am lonely. Deep inside I am sad, I am broken, I am dead, but everyday I get up and make other people smile and laugh. Why? 'Cause I don't want them to experience this pain I have. Every day, I wear a mask, to keep others from name-calling me.
Just today, I was invited to a banquet, and I thought it was going to fun with all my running buddies. To be honest, it wasn't fun at all. I was alone. I saw everybody laughing and talking. This made me sad, but I had to keep that mask on tonight.
Back in middle school, I used to love some girl for all middle school, but I never caught her attention. Long story. After I stopped to love her, I lost the ability to love other girls. I lost that butterfly feeling and that heart beat skip feeling. I miss it, but sadly, no girl will ever be with me. Don't tell me that I'll find someone, because I won't. The reason I was born was to live and die with no happiness. Though I am scared to grab the knife or pills, I keep my chin up and tell myself, "You're stronger than this, Chavez. Someday, you'll be known for who you are." After saying that to myself, I just laugh and say, "Who am I kidding? I'm just a useless piece of sh** that nobody loves. The world will still be roaming around without me, but who cares."
=] So whatever you're doing.. Be happy, because happiness is hard to find.