Hello all,
I'm not sure if many were around to see my freshman HS updates, but I'm back.
Looking back to those posts I had no clue how to handle my emotions. It was all true, by the way, but I was a sad mess.
I also noticed that there were a TON of replies I never saw on those threads, so thanks to all who cared at the time.
I thought I'd update you a bit.
If you recall, I had an ex who pressured me to do drugs, have intercourse with him, etc.
I ended up getting back together with him, having --- , and getting involved with just weed.
at first.
and then cigarettes and amphetamines.
However, I'm glad to say I have quit with drugs! But no shame to those that use. Also, I started to become someone who slept around with anyone.
I was talking to my therapist about it and it's because I always need to feel a "rush". For example, having --- gives me a rush, doing drugs did too, shoplifting etc.
(I'm trying trying trying not to go back to any of that).
I actually like someone genuinely for once (or I'm interested in them I guess..) and I just want to be clean.
Sophomore year has been great kind of. My depression was starting to get worse at the beginning of the year, suicidal thoughts got up and only one pathetic "attempt" , but then something bad happened that opened my eyes.
My brother was shot and killed in California. He loved me very much and I did to him. It sounds weird, but it really opened my eyes to how I should value life and every person around me. My grades kind of plummeted because I was absent attending his funeral however I'm a bit caught up now!
all and all, my depression is still here. I was diagnosed with dysthymia and a generalized anxiety disorder. I became less vocal about my issues and less of an activist. Y'know, I always begged "god" or whoever was a higher power to make me humble and that I was sick of being the loud annoying attention seeker But I didn't think it'd be humbled because of my brothers death. It gets lonely Zzz.
on a more positive note, I'm involved with many clubs! A business program with my local university, co-pres of the robotics club, green team, the youth commission for my local city government, and the list continues! Also got accepted to study abroad for a month to...................GERMANY!!!
so much good stuff. As a friend once told me, depression is like a cloud that hinders our vision from seeing any of the good around us. The trees are up and alive, there is fresh air, I have a cute puppy, my dad is alive, I live in a home, I can be on the forums telling you my update, and I can walk and see, etc.
depression sometimes helps me think I'm not so fortunate, but I am.
anyways thanks for reading! I'll post an update whenever something happens. If you have advice, comments, questions, leave below!
p.s. im not a vegetarian anymore xoxo
-cp
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Originally Posted by Bram
