The End (Beta)

[Rima Wasabi]

Thanks Kendrick
Btw I was adding real places like California and Canada so the reader could have a connection with the story (the reader could go "Oh! I've been to Canada!" Or "Hey! I live in California!")

I see what you're doing there, which would be great since you want the readers to connect but there are many other ways to do so than just using city places. It can be something as small as "this person doesn't like tomato" and that would click with the audience. It is not that it is confusing, it could be cute to combine both worlds together (I mean, why not? people add vampires to the real world).

I also agree with the transitions, they are very important for a smooth read.

[imaginary]

Thanks Kendrick



Btw I was adding real places like California and Canada so the reader could have a connection with the story (the reader could go "Oh! I've been to Canada!" Or "Hey! I live in California!")

But I have never been there

[N!chola$]

But I have never been there

But I have...

[Abdullah1441]

So, should I keep it in real life locations (like Era City, California and Arte, Canada) or should I not?

[Prancer]

Then those tattietgla dudes shoot down the era airport plane

[Abdullah1441]

Then those tattietgla dudes shoot down the era airport plane

You wish

[Prancer]

Let me B on the storry

[Abdullah1441]

Let me B on the storry

Alright, you can be the other SWAT Officers I'm working with, but I'll need to rewrite the introduction to include you talking to me


I'll rewrite the introduction later, I'm not in the writing mood now...

[Prancer]

Alright, you can be the other SWAT Officers I'm working with, but I'll need to rewrite the introduction to include you talking to me


I'll rewrite the introduction later, I'm not in the writing mood now...

rude

[Abdullah1441]

rude

Um... How is that rude? Lol?