View Poll Results: Did you like the short story?

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Thread: Awoken

  1. #1

    Awoken

    I've been really busy with school now a days, but I got a chance to write a short story..
    My writing hasen't improved or anything it's still horrible as before, but enjoy it <3


    Awoken

    Silence. No sound of movement or even a noise from outside to hear. Slowly, I opened my eyes to see what was beyond me. I get blinded by a bright light, moving my head away from the brightness I saw myself in an unknown room. No clue where I was, I got up from a board that my head had laid on while I was resting.
    Looking around the room I questioned my thought, “‘Where am I?’”.

    From a distance I saw a color flashing back and forth on a screen in front of me. The words read out, “Press to continue”. Looking at the screen confused I searched around me, wondering what was I supposed to press.

    My head gets nauseous, but then across the room I noticed a red flashing button. Intrigued by the flash of color, I ran towards the object and observed it. The flashing color from the object was in a sphere like shape. Knowingly I knew it was a button, I then pressed the button down with intense force of anxiety. The flashing screen that once showed “Press to continue” now showed, “So… you’re awake now?” Confused with questions in my head, “‘How does this screen know I was asleep?’” I had mixed feelings about the place I was in.

    I ignored the screens’ question and asked, “Where am I? Why Am I here? How did I get here?”

    “Invalid answer”, the screen showed.

    “Tell me now! Where am I?”

    “Invalid answer”.

    Frustrated I answer the screens’ question, “Yes.”

    More words appeared, “Would you like to know why you’re here?”

    Being eager I replied, “Yes, yes I do!”

    The screen turned black as if the power went out. A few seconds later the black screen popped up a video. It played, showing a beautiful women dancing around in a open field full of flowers. The women looked so pleased and happy to be there. Being amazed by her beauty I thought to myself, “why would this screen display a video of this woman?” There was a moment of silence, a quiet time for me to get my thoughts organized. I just couldn’t remember who the women was.
    With nothing else to think more of, the screen went back to its normal self. The screen read out, “What a sweet video. Don’t you remember who she is?”

    “No I don’t,” I queried, “but what does this have to do with anything for me being here?”

    The screen stopped showing messages.

    A voice was replaced by the words, “This video shows the person you once loved. The person you once loved, loved you also. You two were a very happy couple, but one day everything went all out of place. Both of you were fighting more and more often.”

    “So the reason why I’m here is because of her?”

    “The real reason why you’re here is because of you. You just couldn’t handle yourself and got out of control. You caused her to leave you. Making you become an alcoholic and go out to cause trouble.”

    My memories started to come back. The memories of her being happy and always excited to wake up next to me everyday. The warmth of her skin when I hugged her and her passionate kisses were the things I would always remember her for. “How could I have forgotten who she was if she was so important to me? Tears slowly slid down my cheek, I screamed at myself on the inside. Why did I make myself suffer and hurt someone I loved so much?”

    Still weeping, I looked up and saw her. There standing right in front of me with a sweet smile. She swiftly went towards a door in the room. Eager to feel her warmth again I followed her to the door. I opened the door and it revealed her standing there. It was as if she was calling for me to reunite. I walked out a few steps towards her, far away from the door. All I could hear was a propeller rapidly moving. A cold intense breeze pushed against my face and body. Her arms were widened out for me the hug her, I’d finally be happy again.
    Last edited by NemoYang; 01-05-2018 at 09:18 PM.
    ~blub~

  2. #2
    "Bdeesh" AliGamer911's Avatar
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    The intro isn't really an intro. It doesn't describe u or give any background
    "As far as I'm concerned, the issue doesn't concern me at all." -Ali

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by AliGamer911 View Post
    The intro isn't really an intro. It doesn't describe u or give any background
    The short story is more of a flash fiction, where the plot of the story develops more and more when you keep reading it. So it's more like I want the reader to imagine themselves in the story and infer whats happening to them/the character.
    ~blub~

  4. #4
    "Bdeesh" AliGamer911's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NemoYang View Post
    The short story is more of a flash fiction, where the plot of the story develops more and more when you keep reading it. So it's more like I want the reader to imagine themselves in the story and infer whats happening to them/the character.
    Interesting :0

    Has the other part been completed yet?
    "As far as I'm concerned, the issue doesn't concern me at all." -Ali

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by AliGamer911 View Post
    Interesting :0

    Has the other part been completed yet?
    What other part?? :l
    ~blub~

  6. #6
    "Bdeesh" AliGamer911's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NemoYang View Post
    What other part?? :l
    Well u kinda left on us cliff hanger Yang .-.
    "As far as I'm concerned, the issue doesn't concern me at all." -Ali

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by AliGamer911 View Post
    Well u kinda left on us cliff hanger Yang .-.
    That's the point Ali.. you're suppose to try and imagine what happens. Try and infer what happened to the character

    If you haven't figured out what happened to the main character. He woke up in a plane of some sort which in the inside looked like a small normal room in a house. He got drugged and is unable to remember anything until the screen starts talking to him. When the women is shown to him, he starts to pick up is memory and remember the women as the person he once loved. Once he remembers he starts crying and imagines her by him. Her image is shown moving towards the door leading to the outside of the plane. He steps out of the plane and is falling to his death. In his head he thinks he's still walking towards her to hug her.
    ~blub~

  8. #8
    "Bdeesh" AliGamer911's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by NemoYang View Post
    That's the point Ali.. you're suppose to try and imagine what happens. Try and infer what happened to the character
    The girl was secretly seeking revenge
    "As far as I'm concerned, the issue doesn't concern me at all." -Ali

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