I guess I'm just in the mood for another one of my useless ****posts. Please feel free to disregard this post and continue on to whichever one is under it in the section, I'm just a bit down right now and need to get this off my chest.
I, in all honesty, feel terrible about dumping my emotional weight on this forum but there really isn't anywhere else for me to get out what I feel so please, bear with me.
I don't know...I just feel like there isn't much for me to do anymore. I almost feel as if my purpose has been taken over at an age as early as this and, as a result, there is no more need for me. I feel like an extra to everybody else's story, even in my own life. Just another disposable character this mysterious author can expel whenever he sees fit. But what happens...if this author does remove me from the story? Will the pages fail to be the same ever again or was I just a stepping stone leading up to the climax. Or perhaps...I'm not even that important. People tell me that I'm good at things but, in reality, there isn't really anything I am good at. Some people will argue that I have these ideas and stuff going for me, but what good are these ideas when they have all been brought to the table. I'm like a broken record someone tried to shove into a CD player. I just don't fit. Besides, there are more efficient ways to get the music you want these days anyway. What is my purpose then? Was I a mistake? Am a just a blemish on the face of the Earth? What is the consequence of my existence? Do I really HAVE a purpose? Am I lost? I just don't know.
The people in my life...The people in my life are phenomenal. In fact, everyone in my family has a specific talent and/or defining trait. My father, a natural born genius. My mother, the most business savvy of us all and almost as cunning as my dad. My oldest brother, kind to a fault and really sensible when it comes to emotions and people's feeling. Just talking to the guy is a lift to your spirits. My second oldest brother, master artist. He can draw just about anything you put in front of him and make it 10x better. My third oldest brother, amazing writer, poet, and cook! He can really make you feel something with his words. I'm just a cheap knockoff of him, though. Then my little brother. He's a natural when it comes to games. People like him too. He's also a natural athlete.
Then...there's me. I'm like the second choice for every trait listed above. 5th in terms of athleticism. I'm always in the shadow of everyone else and right when I think I've been allowed into the sunlight I am blocked by someone new and forced back into darkness. And wouldn't you know it? I'm sleeping in the only room in this house without a light built in. Damn...I love how crap just lines up like that.
I'm sure there are those you reading this post that are just trying your hardest not to swallow that sour taste I'm leaving in your mouth with this post. You're right, I should probably just get over myself. There are those out there who have it worse than me...you are most certainly right. Stop reading this post then. Go help them instead. I can just sit here in their shadow. I have a nice mask I can put on for everyone else so that they aren't brought down by what I really feel, anyway.
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It's a shame, too. As I go over the post...I still haven't expressed what I'm feeling the way I wanted to.
